In our daily interactions with other people, it is normal to experience occasional disagreements and conflicts, but while some arguments are resolved quickly and amicably, other disputes may be a sign of a more serious problem, such as verbal abuse. There are many examples of verbal abuse, from name-calling to gaslighting, and all of them can have a lasting negative impact on your mental health and well-being.
In our guide, we define verbal abuse, list common types of verbal abuse, and explain the devastating effects of
verbal abuse on a victim. We also offer tips on handling verbal abuse—from talking to the perpetrator to
reaching out to a mental health professional who will support you in this difficult situation.
Table of Contents
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What Is Verbal Abuse?
Verbal abuse is a type of psychological pain inflicted on a person through the use of language, whether the
The perpetrator talks to the victim in person or on the phone or sends them written or printed messages. This type of abuse is often a precursor to other forms of abuse—if a person is subjected to constant insults and
humiliation, it may negatively affect their mental health and make them feel worthless.
It should be noted that verbal abuse is not always loud—while raising one’s voice and yelling are often
associated with this type of behavior, many abusers choose to hurt their victims without being noticed by other people, by criticizing and mocking them quietly. Moreover, verbal abuse may be disguised as a joke or
“advice,” making it harder to spot it and call the abuser out on their behavior.
Common Examples of Verbal Abuse
Here are a few types of verbal abuse you may be able to spot during a conversation:
Insults. This is the most obvious instance of verbal abuse—the person you are talking to calls
You name and uses disrespectful language targeting your appearance, intelligence, skills, etc.
Threats. The abuser may promise to harm you, your loved ones, or your property to frighten you
and make you do what they want.
Gaslighting. In order to make you doubt your judgment and even your senses, the abuser
misleads you and lies about events and facts. This is a common manipulation tactic people use to control their
victims.
Humiliation. The perpetrator puts you down, criticizes your actions, and mocks you either in
private or in front of other people to lower your self-esteem.
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How to Recognize Verbal Abuse
While in some cases verbal abuse is pretty apparent – for instance, when a person is shouting slurs at you in
public, certain patterns of speech are not easy to discern. Here are a few red flags you should be on the look out for:
Passive-aggressive behavior. If the individual you are talking to gives you the silent
treatment, makes sarcastic remarks, and criticizes you without offering any solutions, it is possible they are
trying to undermine you without raising their voice.
Change in your behavior. Are you constantly walking on eggshells when you are around this
Person? Do you feel anxious before you talk to them? Pay attention to your feelings—sometimes our intuition can warn us before our mind recognizes the problem.
Lack of communication. Is the person listening to you when you talk? Do they dominate the
conversation and prevent you from voicing your thoughts? When the person is stuck in their echo chamber and refuses to consider perspectives that differ from their own, this is not a good sign.
Effects of Verbal Abuse on Mental Health
There are numerous short-term and long-term consequences of verbal abuse you may suffer from. Here are a few effects to consider:
Anxiety. It is not unusual for a victim of verbal abuse to struggle with nervousness, feel
uneasy in certain situations, have trouble sleeping, and suffer from panic attacks.
Poor self-esteem. Constant criticism and insults may make a person feel worthless. When you
start believing the abuser, you may give up on your goals and isolate yourself from other people.
Depression. This mental health disorder is often linked to verbal abuse—a victim feels
fatigued, loses interest in activities that used to bring them joy, and even contemplates suicide.
How to Deal With Verbal Abuse
Whether the person mistreating you is your family member, friend, or superior at work, you should take steps to protect yourself from verbal abuse and put an end to this harmful behavior.
Name the problem. Talk to the abuser—let them know their words have hurt you and explain
which phrases or patterns upset you. It is possible the person will apologize and never insult you again.
Surround yourself with friends. Reach out to your loved ones, share your troubles with them, and
Ask for help. Your friends may be able to give you good advice and be there for you when you decide to confront the abuser.
Contact a therapist. A mental health professional will be able to give you a safe space to
Share your feelings. A therapist will teach you to recognize abuse when you see it and avoid abusers in the future and rebuild your self-confidence.
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FAQs
What is considered verbal abuse?
Verbal abuse can be defined as a way to control and manipulate a person through words, instead of relying on
Physical force: the abuser uses insults, threats, and humiliation to hurt their victim.
What are the 5 symptoms of verbal abuse?
The symptoms of verbal abuse are not always visible—nevertheless, there are a few signs to look out for:
- Lowered self-esteem
- Changes in behavior
- Lack of confidence
- Poor appetite
- Insomnia
What are 3 examples of verbal abuse?
If you suspect someone is trying to verbally abuse you, be on the lookout for these speech patterns:
- Name-calling—you are being insulted and mocked.
- Criticism—you are being put down constantly.
- Threats—you are being intimidated to do something you do not want to do.
What are the consequences of verbal abuse?
Victims of verbal abuse often suffer from mental health issues—anxiety, phobias, and depression can be
triggered by this type of abuse. In addition, verbally abused people struggle with low self-esteem—they may
give up on their ambitions and avoid socializing, feeling they are not
We hope that our guide was able to help you figure out when a person is verbally abusing you. Whether you can handle the manipulator on your own or you need a therapist to assist you in this challenge, remember that your well-being comes first.
Contact California Mental Health to speak to a mental health professional. Our qualified and experienced therapists will be able to diagnose the negative impact of manipulation on your mental health and equip you with the tools you need to overcome this challenge.
